Ugg! And I don’t mean Ugg, the boots. “Ugg!” is my state of mind. It’s been a month and some days since my mother died and I can’t pull it together. Today is a perfect example (by “today” I mean the last 24 hours between this time Saturday and now). I have been doing things while sleeping. It’s something that’s happened to me from time to time and I’ve just accepted it. However, this time, someone told me to get up and get the girls because they had to go out. In a fit of sleep-induced haze, I climbed to the bottom of my bed and let Micki out of her crate, then got Snippet out of hers. Then, I realized that I wasn’t quite “here” yet and yelled out to my mother (who, as I mentioned, died a month and some days ago), “Who’s going to take them out?” That’s when I realized I was the only human in the house.
Well, needless to say, I took the girls out and it almost turned into a tragedy. I am not thinking clearly at all. I took all three out at the same time, which is not unusual these days. Their leashes became tangled together and with me so that I couldn’t move and neither could they. I thought I was letting Berry’s leash go to untangle myself, but it was Micki’s leash.
My Micki in her favorite place - the chaise portion of the sectional. From her perch, she can see everything that's going on.
Micki discovered that she was unleashed within a split second of my discovery that she was unleashed. Unfortunately, she moved faster than I could and took off at top speed. Other than the fact that I was scared out of my wits, I had to admire her running full out. She’s very short backed and that often means the stride is shortened. I’ve previously seen this in Micki when at the dog park. But this time, nope! Not tonight! I didn’t even know what time it was. When I was fully awake and looked at the clock, it would have been 5:00a or 12:25a. There was a lot of traffic outside, but since I live on a main street, that’s not unusual at any hour. That did, however, make catching Micki absolutely critical.
She apparently went around to the front of neighbors’ yards because she came zipping back through the space that divides our lot and the one next door looking happy and coming close enough to make sure I was physically OK, but not close enough for me to grab her leash. I prayed to God and Mom, saying that I couldn’t deal with yet another loss, especially since it would be my fault. I even stepped in doggy poop trying to get to her. That’s something I never do even without a flashlight. (Fortunately, it was doggie poop from one of the smaller girls.) She came running back again to check up on me from afar and I just lost it. I screamed her name at the top of my lungs and prayed some more. Finally, I saw this tan haired critter running toward me, stopping close enough for me to grab her leash. Home at last, she was! I’m beginning to think we both have guardian angels.
My life has been like this for weeks now. I’ve been so totally depressed that it took me two days to get information for Mom’s attorney when it should have only taken five minutes. I just can’t get it together. Thanks to an insurance check, my auto insurance won’t lapse, but I haven’t spoken to the bank about the mortgage and the one creditor Mom used to pay even though it’s in my name really screwed up my credit score so I can probably forget re-financing the house for a while. Still, I am safe for the moment. I’d planned to sell Mom’s truck, which I really hate to do because she loved it so much and I picked it out for her, and put the money into making this house sale-ready in the next couple of years. I think I’m going to pay off the account that’s messing up my credit.
Once again, I’m explaining all the gory details of my life as a new orphan because I can’t write much of anything else right now. My Inbox has so much in it that I can put here, but life won’t allow it. I know I have to pull it together. I just ask you to bear with me a little while longer. Maybe in a week or so I’ll be able to smile, but right now, I just can’t. At least I can’t smile for longer than a few seconds at a time. I am taking my own advice and dressing well, though, and I will probably keep doing so. The way things are going, I’ll be in my favorite dress: a black velvet, floor length, tuxedo dress with a matching optional jacket and a purse with black fabric, silver or gold fixtures. The shoes need to be patent leather, but if I were to take the fabric, I’d add a little pop with very red earrings, or; if I wore the purse with silver fixtures, I’d wear silver earrings and one silver ear cuff to add a bit of wickedness. I don’t even have to think about what I’d wear with a purse with gold fixtures. I’d, of course, where gold earrings. Very formal that, eh? THAT is how bad I feel! Tears On My Tuxedo Dress, anyone?
Words From A Wicked Woman 